Love

Grandmom's health has sharply declined since yesterday. She doesn't even look like herself. Her breathing is labored... she is asleep, thank god, most of the time. She can't talk to us even when she wants to because she throws up. It's torturous all around. Yesterday she was sighing in her sleep, today she is twitching a lot.

So basically one of the worst things ever. Ever.

I'm not sure what she is hanging on for or waiting for but I hope she finds it soon... and I wish grandpop would stop sitting on benches with other ladies and come get this woman. She's more than ready. Grandmom once told Paul and I that my grandfather always sat with the ladies at the place they were living... then eventually she would come home and find him sitting with one lady out back on a bench all the time. I'm gonna have some words with him one day about that but gmom can first when she gets up there. She certainly hadn't forgotten about it!

Today I had a weird moment when I felt so much love for grandmom and when I looked at her, she felt a little bit like a stranger. Of course I didn't love her any less. There's no way that could ever happen. It was just a scary little feeling. I realized that I felt almost the same feeling (just minus scary and plus so much joy) when my little nephew was born in December. I saw the whole thing and it was freaking amazing. I just remember before he was born how I had already assigned so much love to this imaginary little person... and then when I saw his face he was a tiny little stranger. It was a weird feeling but then it was awesome. Now it is just seriously upsetting.

At least today there were more people around from our family... it's nice to have had some pleasant moments at the hospital today, unlike yesterday.