One step at a time

Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I am under the impression that I'm the most awesome person ever. I'm assuming it's because I have strong opinions and no problem expressing them... but I really don't know. Rest assured though, kind reader, I have an impressive list of issues. Insecurity, jealousy, fears, laziness, self pity, outrageously poor body image, depression, needing to be in control or know every single little thing. The list goes on and does not get any cooler. Everybody has their problems. My issues can have a very negative impact on me HOWEVER they also make me very accepting of other people and ideas, they help me not to judge others too quickly, I seem to have a bottomless well of patience with people that I love, I'm friendly, thoughtful, open minded, respectful, realistic and sincere. I'm not embarrassed to make either list and I'm not ashamed of them. There are things I need to work on and I am happy to be me... and I'm happy to be on the way to become a better version of me.

I think from age 6 until maybe like a year ago (lol) I lived in a perpetual state of almost-embarrassment or embarrassment. Before that I was totally awesome. :) I'm not exactly sure about why people had a problem with me, kids will be kids maybe, but it was very clear that I was one of the outsiders. I didn't care about fashion or make-up, I didn't develop the way the rest of the girls did, I had frizzy hair, I bit my nails. I was awkward, shy, emotionally fragile, sheltered, naive and too nice for my own good. I didn't know that the opinions of people in school didn't matter and I suffered a bit for it. Again, however, the friends that I had were real friends that loved me for who I was - not for what I had or what I looked like. This made school and life bearable and fun. When I got out of high school I tried college but that didn't go too well, of course. 13th grade. I worked for a bit and then went to France. Thank god I did. I needed to get the hell out of the U.S. and definitely out of this area. That experience and all the traveling I did while I was over there introduced me to so many different cultures, people, thoughts and ideas. I finally learned I'm not the loser that I believed I was and that was a nice feeling. Sometimes those negative feelings do come up in certain situations but at least they aren't the soundtrack of my life anymore. Baby steps.

Anyways, just had to work that out of my head.

This week is coming to a close and that is super awesome. I'm absolutely sick of hearing from jerk off politicians and CEOs of billion dollar companies.

Ugh, the dishes are dirty and I sincerely don't want to wash them. It's been a couple days though and they haven't done themselves. Weird, isn't it? I guess I have to get to that...

Real quick, I think I just fell in love with baby's breath bouquets for the wedding.

Here's hoping for a relaxing weekend.